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Normal People, Normal Problems: Why People Really Come to Therapy
- JuandriB
- Jan 23, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 5
What do I get asked most as a psychologist?
Besides whether I'm reading your mind when we first meet, or whether I'm analysing you (both of which I don't do, I'm human), the number one thing I get asked by friends and family is:
"What type of people do you see?"
People are often curious about who comes to therapy and what kinds of problems they bring. Underneath that curiosity is usually another question:
"Are my problems serious enough to see a psychologist?"
My answer is always the same:
Normal people. Normal problems.
What Type Of People See A Psychologist?
During my time as a psychologist, I've come to realise that most people who seek support aren't fundamentally different from anyone else. They are people navigating life's challenges, trying to cope with stress, relationships, work pressures, uncertainty, loss, self-doubt, or major life changes.
In many ways, we find comfort in knowing that others may be experiencing similar struggles. We often compare our difficulties to those of others and wonder whether our own problems are "bad enough" to justify seeking help.
The reality is that people don't need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Many simply want support, guidance, perspective, or practical tools to help them move forward.
The Common Goal Behind Most Therapy
SO, how do we find happiness, then?
Well, that's the thing.
I don't think happiness is this mythical creature that we're going to stumble across one day. It's not something we're going to bump into or suddenly discover "out there". You can spend your entire life searching for happiness and still not find it.
So perhaps the better question isn't:
"How do we find happiness?"
Perhaps it's:
"How do we make happiness?"
This is one of the first things I tell my clients. We have to work for happiness.
Our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. Every second of every day, our minds are scanning for danger, making value judgements, and trying to protect us. We live in a world where worrying can easily become our default setting.
How Do We Make Happiness?
It can be difficult to believe that happiness doesn't lie in our circumstances. We often convince ourselves that some people simply have it and others don't. Or that happiness will arrive when our circumstances improve. The truth is, these are myths we create because they make the alternative easier to live with.
The reality is that many of the things that influence our happiness are already with us, right here and right now. Research consistently shows that changes in circumstances, no matter how positive, often have less impact on our long-term happiness than we expect. This phenomenon is often referred to as hedonic adaptation; our tendency to return to a relatively stable level of happiness after positive or negative life events. While circumstances certainly matter, research suggests that we adapt to many of them far more quickly than we expect.Understanding this allows us to appreciate something incredibly hopeful: we have far more influence over our wellbeing than we think.
Happiness isn't something waiting for us out there. It's something we intentionally create.
Some of us do this quite naturally. Others struggle. And sometimes life becomes so difficult and overwhelming that the landscape becomes too foggy to navigate alone.
That's when expert help can be incredibly valuable.
Seeking support doesn't automatically mean you're clinically diagnosable. Sometimes it simply means you need a guide to help you find your way through a difficult season.
Six Strategies I Often Share With Clients
1. Starting a gratitude journal.
Research has shown that some of the happiest people spend time expressing gratitude for what they have and savouring life's pleasures. A gratitude journal can be a simple but powerful place to start.
2. Practice forgiveness and acts of kindness.
There is an age-old belief that true happiness consists in making others happy.
If generations before us believed in the value of kindness, perhaps there's something worth paying attention to there.
I also remind clients that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. It doesn't mean excusing, forgetting, minimising, or condoning what happened. Forgiveness is often an internal process. It is about releasing the burden of carrying the hurt.
3. Ever hear of "fake it until you make it”?
This is my next tip.
Look for the bright side.
Actively seeking out the silver lining allows us to cultivate optimism.
Or, as I sometimes like to say, "Face it until you make it."
Face the fact that you may naturally lean towards negativity and that finding the positives requires conscious effort.
4. No comparing!
Comparison rarely ends well. Upward comparisons often leave us feeling inferior, distressed, or lacking in some way. Downward comparisons can leave us feeling guilty or fearful. The truth is that someone will always have more than you, and someone will always have less.
Focus on your own journey.
5. Spend money in ways that maximise happiness
One thing I try to live by (and often suggest to friends) is this:
Buy experiences, not just things. Experiences create memories, strengthen relationships, and often bring us far more lasting happiness than material possessions.
6. Nurture your relationships.
This one is really important.
Life gets busy. We get caught up in work, studies, responsibilities, and our own personal challenges. Before we know it, weeks or months have passed without connecting with the people who matter most.
Pick up the phone.
Call a friend.
Spend time with family.
Make space for your partner or significant other.
And yes, try hugging more too - it has been shown to reduce stress and increase feelings of connection.
Final Thoughts
The next time you find yourself wondering whether other people have it worse, whether your problems are serious enough, or whether seeking professional help means something is wrong with you, remember this: You are a normal person dealing with normal problems. And that's okay. We all go through difficult seasons. We all experience distress. We all get lost in the fog from time to time. Most importantly, we all deserve support when we need it. So let's stop judging ourselves for struggling. Let's stop measuring our pain against someone else's. And let's remember that happiness isn't something we find. It's something we create.
Further Reading
Recommended Books
If the topic of happiness interests you, there is a wealth of research and literature available that explores what contributes to wellbeing and life satisfaction.
A few books I often recommend or draw inspiration from include:
Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman
One of the foundational books in positive psychology. Seligman explores the science behind happiness and argues that wellbeing is something we can actively cultivate rather than simply wait for.
Flourish by Martin Seligman
A follow-up to his earlier work, Flourish expands the conversation beyond happiness and introduces the idea that wellbeing consists of several key elements, including positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment.
Happy Ever After by Paul Dolan
This book challenges many of society's assumptions about what a successful and happy life should look like. Dolan encourages readers to think critically about whether they are pursuing goals that genuinely make them happy, or simply following cultural expectations.
The research on happiness continues to grow, but one theme consistently emerges: happiness is rarely about achieving one perfect outcome. More often, it is built through meaningful relationships, purpose, gratitude, engagement, and the small daily choices we make.
The School of Life
The School of Life offers articles, videos, and resources exploring emotional health, relationships, self-awareness, and personal growth in an accessible and engaging way.
You may also find my recommended reading list helpful.
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