An Open Letter from Your Therapist: A Heartfelt Message to My Clients

I have heard your deepest thoughts, your most sincere reflections, and have never had the honour of giving you a few secrets of my own. This is because it simply isn’t done. I am supposed to listen, but never share. I am supposed to hold, but never give. I have the privilege of listening to and holding your secrets, fears, emotions and dreams. But I leave you wondering if you ever had an impact on whether I think about you. I am meant to be a keeper of secrets, a holder of hopes, an emotional foundation onto which you can imagine and reflect any version of yourself. I am meant to be a metaphorical blank therapeutic canvas for you, set with very clear boundaries.

But here's the thing…it’s all a smokescreen. We are just as you are, flawed and entirely human. I don’t think I’m sharing world-breaking science here; I’m not exactly the first person to disprove this myth. Behind the smokescreen of a put together, psychologically resolved, safe, secure and Buddha like entity is just a human. An eternally grateful human, grateful to you for sharing your fears and struggles with me, for trusting me on this journey with you, for opening up to me in ways you never have and may never do again with another. I feel the gratitude of this deeply.

You tell me when you screw up, cry with me, get frustrated with me, and share your fears with me. And you thank me. You thank me in sessions, after sessions, for last session, for holding your tears, for not judging, for being there for you.

And honestly? All I want to say in return is: I screw up too. When you cried, I wanted to cry with you. I get frustrated with you too. I am scared too. But mostly, thank YOU. Thank you for letting me sit with you, thank you for telling me when you screw up. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with me, your rawness, your weakness. And THEN, you go and do it ALL again next week. How freaking amazing. I am not only thankful to you, I am in awe of you. For coming back, for fighting your demons, for recognising your faults, for calling yourself out, for consistently putting effort into coming into a space where you have to be your most raw self and thaw away all the defenses that have helped you survive (unhelpfully sometimes but they helped).

Even though I am sure that you quickly realise that therapy isn’t fun or as nice as it sounds, that actually…it hurts to heal. That it gets worse before it gets better. You show up. Every damn week. Thank you, thank you for showing up, thank you for allowing ME the opportunity to sit with you through this.

I always say to you, you are the expert on your life and I am only expert by trade. The bit I don’t say? I may be the expert, but you teach me so damn much. I learn from you all every single day. I gain wisdom just from listening to you and sitting with you on your journey. The insights you share, the reflections you share the way you get to self awareness on your journey…it teaches me so much.

So here it is, the truth – I do think about you. I do worry about you. Sometimes I want to cry with you, have a drink with you, celebrate with you and tell you that I am so thankful you chose me, that when you leave I’ll miss you. I am so honored and I am so proud of you.

Gratefully yours,

Juandri

Gratefully yours, Juandri