ADHD and Rest: Why Traditional Relaxation Doesn’t Work, and What Actually Helps

The number one pattern I see when working with ADHD adults? Burnout. And more often than not, it develops from a lifetime of struggling to relax, or simply not knowing how to relax. When rest doesn’t feel accessible, it becomes harder to recharge, which in turn fuels the burnout cycle again and again.

Many people grow up believing that rest means slowing down, sitting still, and doing absolutely nothing. I often hear clients say, “I’ve tried mindfulness, I’ve tried breathing exercises, I’ve tried the Calm app - nothing works for me.” And there’s a reason for that. For many neurodivergent adults, especially those with ADHD traits, stillness can feel more activating than soothing (Read more about the quieter traits of ADHD here). Doing nothing can invite spiralling thoughts, physical restlessness, or a sense of discomfort that makes “traditional” rest feel completely out of reach.

What is often missing from the conversation is the understanding that rest does not have to mean stopping. Or what rest may look like for someone with ADHD challenges. For many neurodivergent nervous systems, restorative rest comes not from doing nothing, but from shifting into something absorbing, creative, rhythmic, or engaging. This is sometimes referred to as active rest, a form of restoration that allows the mind to settle by giving it something meaningful or enjoyable to focus on, rather than asking it to shut down completely.

Research into stress, nervous system regulation and emotional wellbeing suggests that this kind of rest offers genuine benefits, measurable benefits. When people engage in activities that feel regulating and absorbing, cortisol levels can decrease, the nervous system becomes calmer, emotional responses feel more manageable and thinking becomes clearer. For individuals with ADHD, these effects can be even more pronounced, because the pathways into calm often require stimulation rather than stillness.

Active rest is powerful because it supports engagement rather than withdrawal. Many ADHDers feel most restored when they can immerse themselves in something enjoyable that isn’t part of their usual mental load; cooking without rushing, working with their hands, gardening, painting, gaming, dancing, or building something. These activities allow a reset because they draw attention into the present moment while also relieving cognitive pressure. It’s not “keeping busy”; it’s a form of regulation that lets the mind breathe.

This kind of rest also creates a natural shift in the nervous system. Rhythmic, sensory or hands-on tasks help settle restlessness and create grounding in a way that stillness alone often can’t. For many neurodivergent individuals, stillness can feel dysregulating, whereas movement or gentle stimulation supports a more accessible pathway to calm. This doesn’t mean avoidance - it simply means acknowledging what your nervous system needs in order to settle.

Another vital aspect of active rest is its ability to interrupt the familiar “push harder” response. Many ADHDers have spent years coping with stress by increasing effort — taking on more, working late, pushing through discomfort in the hope that rest will arrive once everything is done. But psychological research consistently shows that constant overdrive doesn’t build resilience; it builds exhaustion. Rest cannot be something we earn at the edge of collapse. It needs to be woven into our rhythm, not reserved as a reward for surviving it.

Active rest will look different for everyone. For some, it may be creative projects, baking, drawing or making something by hand. For others, it may be movement; a class, a walk, dancing, or anything that requires mindful attention. It might even be engaging in a hobby that provides enough stimulation to create calm.

There is no single correct version of rest. What matters is how it feels in your body. If you step away feeling replenished, lighter or more grounded, then you have rested, even if you were not still.

The key is recognising that rest for ADHDers is, quite simply, different. You are not failing at relaxation if doing nothing feels uncomfortable. You may simply have a nervous system that restores itself through engagement rather than silence. Understanding this can be deeply validating, especially for those who have spent years wondering why traditional rest never seemed to “work”.

Learning how your mind and body relax is part of building a life that feels sustainable rather than depleting. Active rest is not a shortcut or avoidance, it is a legitimate, research-supported way of caring for yourself. And honestly, who doesn’t deserve a form of rest that actually restores them?

If you’re noticing burnout, restlessness, or difficulty slowing down, therapy can help you understand your nervous system and build a more sustainable way of living. If you’d like support navigating this, you’re welcome to reach out.