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Stick It, Stigma
- JuandriB
- Feb 19, 2020
- 4 min read
I recently read an advice column where readers could write in with psychological questions.
You know the type. Catchy headlines. Questions that pull you in because they're the very same questions many of us ask ourselves.
In this particular article, a woman wrote in asking how to support her partner through depression and how to cope with the challenges it was creating in their relationship.
The psychologist's response was well-intentioned and encouraging in many ways. However, one part of it stayed with me.
The advice suggested that depression is much like certain physical health conditions - that it can be managed but not necessarily "cured" - and that her partner would need to live with it indefinitely. More than that, it suggested that she, as his partner, would also need to live with it and consider whether that was something she was truly willing to sacrifice herself to.
And honestly?
I found it infuriating.
Not because depression isn't serious. It absolutely can be.
But because advice like this can unintentionally reinforce the idea that people become their diagnosis. That a label becomes the defining feature of who they are.
And that's where stigma quietly creeps in.
The Problem With The Story We're Telling
Now, I usually like to write my blogs with a positive spin. This one is a little harder.
Because it feels as though we still live in a world where emotional distress is too often reduced to labels, diagnoses, and categories. A colleague of mine recently described trying to challenge these ideas as "poking an elephant with a small stick."
That image stuck with me.
Sometimes it feels as though the social narratives around mental health have become so deeply ingrained that we forget something very important:
People have problems.
Sometimes those problems are severe. Sometimes they're mild. Sometimes they're temporary. Sometimes they're long-lasting.
But not every struggle needs to become the defining story of someone's life.
Problems Are Problems
Before I go any further, let me be clear. I am not dismissing the reality of severe mental illness. Many people experience profound depression, anxiety, trauma, and psychological difficulties that require specialised treatment and support.
What I am questioning is whether we sometimes become too focused on labels and not focused enough on people's actual experiences.
Two people may receive the same diagnosis and have completely different stories, challenges, strengths, and reasons for struggling.
Human beings are wonderfully complex.
Sometimes diagnoses can be incredibly useful. They can help us understand patterns, guide treatment, and provide validation.
But they are only one part of the picture. They are not the whole person.
Why Some People Don't Seek Help
One of my biggest concerns is that many people avoid therapy because they believe their struggles aren't serious enough.
They think:
"I'm not depressed enough."
"I'm not anxious enough."
"I'm not diagnosable."
"So what's the point?"
And that breaks my heart. Because emotional distress doesn't need to reach a clinical threshold before someone deserves support. You don't need a diagnosis to benefit from therapy. You don't need a label before asking for help. You simply need a problem that's affecting your life in a way you'd like to change.
A Different Way Of Thinking About Therapy
Would you find it strange if someone told you they go to yoga every week to improve their strength and mindfulness? Probably not. What if someone told you they went to a pharmacy for medication to help with a headache? Not strange at all. What if someone said they attend tutoring because they need help understanding a particular subject? Again, completely normal.
So why should it be any different when someone says they're going to therapy? Therapy is simply another form of support. It's a place where people can learn new skills, gain perspective, work through challenges, and navigate difficult emotions. It doesn't have to mean you're ill. It doesn't have to mean something is wrong with you.
Sometimes it simply means you're human.
Let's Change The Narrative
Life can be messy.
Life can be painful.
Life can be unfair.
And sometimes life is genuinely heartbreaking. But human suffering is not always evidence of illness. Sometimes it is evidence that we are responding to difficult circumstances, painful experiences, and complicated lives. So I'd like to propose a different narrative.
A narrative where seeking help is normal. A narrative where people feel comfortable talking about emotional distress without fear of judgement. A narrative where therapy is viewed as a resource, not a last resort. A narrative where we recognise that people are more than labels. And most importantly, a narrative where asking for help is seen as a sign of strength, not weakness.
So join me in sticking it to stigma.
Let's keep changing the conversation.
One person, one story, and one brave act of help-seeking at a time.
Further Reading
Recommended Books
If this topic interests you, there are some fascinating books that explore mental health, diagnosis, emotional distress, and what it means to be human in an increasingly medicalised world.
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
A thought-provoking exploration of how modern culture, trauma, stress, and social expectations shape our physical and psychological wellbeing. Maté challenges the idea that many of our struggles exist purely within the individual.
Lost Connections by Johann Hari
Hari explores alternative perspectives on depression and anxiety, arguing that our emotional wellbeing is deeply connected to our relationships, work, community, and sense of purpose.
A Liberated Mind by Steven C. Hayes
Written by the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this book offers practical ways of responding to difficult thoughts and emotions while building a meaningful life.
The Age of Diagnosis by Suzanne O'Sullivan
A fascinating look at the growing tendency to define human experiences through diagnostic labels. O'Sullivan raises important questions about the benefits, limitations, and unintended consequences of our increasingly diagnosis-focused culture.
While I don't necessarily agree with every argument made in every book, I believe they all encourage an important conversation: how we understand emotional distress, how we talk about mental health, and how we can support people without reducing them to labels.
You may also find my recommended reading list helpful.
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